What you think of me

"What you think of me is none of my business"
- Terry Cole-Whittaker (B. 1939) American evangelist, author

I tested an important journey yesterday to help me in making a career decision. There was also a bit of shopping and the fun of Eurovision...

Being independent of the good opinion of others is a critical attribute to inculcate in oneself. The alternative is to be a slave to people's opinions of you. You end up trying to please people and compromise your innermost values in the process. You get upset by people's opinions of you, whether expressed or simply inferred. You waste tremendous energy worrying about what someone thinks about you or really meant etc. You open yourself up to pointless stress and suffering.

So does that mean you must become a cold, uncaring cyborg, not moved by people's perceptions of you? Does it mean that you will not examine your own flaws that people may be showing you through their opinions of you? Do you become aloof, perhaps even arrogant in your immunity from taking criticism to heart? Or do you simply have a well-developed self-image, which is robust and flexible enough to process feedback from others and use it to extract useful insights that can aid your progress? Are you simply able to discern the portion of people's opinions that is just a product of their thought system and life experiences, a reflection of their unique perception and perhaps little to do with you?

This is where asking the right questions can be useful. In a particular situation where you have been described by someone as being selfish, you can ask yourself several different questions. For example;
"How can he/she accuse me of something like that?!!!"
"Do I care if he/she thinks I'm selfish?"
"Oh no, am I really selfish? Have I always been? Oh no! I feel really guilty now!"
"I know I'm not selfish. Is he/she simply projecting their own selfishness?"
There are also several other statements (perhaps expletives) you might utter. It strikes me that a question like
"Why did he/she say that?" or "What did I do that may have led to that interpretation?" provides a more balanced approach. You may still end up concluding that you are not selfish or that you are, but the key is that you start from a more "scientific" base. You actually examine the issue without defences or insecurities jumping into the fray. You are genuinely curious.

So perhaps that is the answer. Curiosity. Rather than take things personally, maybe we simple need to become curious. So, what you think of me is none of my business, but if you tell me then I should be curious rather than emotional.