Anger

"When anger rises, think of the consequences. "
Confucius Chinese philosopher & reformer (551 BC - 479 BC)

Another warm day yesterday. Royal Mail finally came through and my important parcel was delivered. I did a fair bit of career coaching and started informing some clients that I would be moving on in July - not very well received ... I also witnessed a classic case of road rage.

What is it about anger that is so attractive and compelling to us? We know that it serves little useful purpose, although it may temporarily raise our energy level beyond apathy, grief, fear and desire. And yet we still habitually get angry about even the most trivial (in the greater scheme of life) things. Why? Well, because we're human, most people would say. Getting angry is natural, perhaps even useful in terms of giving you critical information that something is not right in your world. It is the staying angry that does not add value. I suspect that it satisfies some human needs - certainty, variety, significance and connection.

Imagine a woman whose husband is aloof and unattentive in a stagnant and boring relationship. Something happens and she gets angry and starts to scream at him or throw things or pack her bags etc. Suddenly, she gets the expected reaction from him (certainty), a surge of emotional energy and charge (variety), a feeling of importance (significance) and finally getting his full attention (engagement). She stays angry...

What is the problem with sustained anger? It often (but not always) leads to rash decisions or actions that may have consequences. Good old Confucius suugests that we contemplate the consequences of our anger as it rises. I find it helpful to acknowledge the anger as anger as it rises first, because that must be the first step. Otherwise, you don't even realise you are angry until it is too late. So I might observe and almost savour the anger as it builds up:

"Mmm, I'm getting really pissed off"

This takes some of the charge out of the anger by undermining the inevitability of the reaction. This is the power of observation. Getting curious about why your're angry and about what this anger could lead to might avoid unnecessary problems. It may even lead to positive insights. A lot of the problems in the world are caused by anger ...