Happiness

"Most folks are about as happy as they make up their minds to be. "
Abraham Lincoln, 16th president of US (1809 - 1865)

Back from holiday and back into the full swing of things. The interesting feature of holidays is that they attract work - before you go on holiday, your workrate often intensifies in your frantic scramble to get everything done before you leave, and then when you get back, you pull out the stops to catch up. That's one of the joys of life. And speaking of happiness, I think it is time to pause and reflect on this intangible and often elusive state that many of us appear to be chasing.

Much has been written about happiness, and I will not dive into a long examination of the subject, although I have included some extra quotes below to provide a breadth of perspective. Let me present a different view of happiness. I see happiness on two levels - Level 1 and Level 2. If you consider your life to be like a film in progress, then Level 1 is the audience's view of events in the film, whereas Level 2 is the character's view of them. So regardless of what tribulation the character may be going through, the audience may still be enjoying the film because it is good or because they have simply decided that they are going to enjoy the film (and the popcorn). It is possible to be happy on Level 1 and unhappy on Level 2. Conversely, even if the actor is very happy in the film, the audience may not enjoy the film - it may be a stinker, or they may not want to enjoy it (believe me, some people are determined not to). It is also possible to be happy on Level 2 but unhappy on Level 1.

So what does this really mean? Well, Level 2 is what many people refer to when they talk about happiness, especially when it is derived from events, people and things. It is a more volatile state which comes and goes as one's life unfolds. It is the experience of the character in our life movie. Level 1 is more profound and is alluded to in some spiritual practices as well as in some personal development ideas. It is a less volatile state that lies below the surface. It is the experience of the audience in our life movie. Now, there is a case for also considering a Level 0, which is the director's view, and represents a high level of consciousness that could be attained perhaps through spiritual practice. This could be thought of as a blissful state rather than a merely a happy one.

So, let me leave it at that. The question we must ask ourselves is whether our movie is good (audience/director) and whether our character is happy. The Level 1 perspective is very powerful, especially when dealing with drama and tragedy in one's life movie. When things go wrong and you're feeling miserable(Level 2), change the film music to sombre or eerie, darken the picture, watch the movie (Level 1). In this respect, keeping a journal of events and feelings is very helpful, much like a having the film script. Let's make it an Oscar-winner...

"Happiness is that state of consciousness which proceeds from the achievement of one's values. "
Ayn Rand, US (Russian-born) novelist (1905 - 1982)

"At the height of laughter, the universe is flung into a kaleidoscope of new possibilities. "
Jean Houston



"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony. "
Mahatma Gandhi, Indian political and spiritual leader (1869 - 1948)



"I define joy as a sustained sense of well-being and internal peace - a connection to what matters. "
Oprah Winfrey, O Magazine, US actress & television talk show host (1954 - )



"Remember that happiness is a way of travel - not a destination. "
Roy M. Goodman

Habits

"Curious things, habits. People themselves never knew they had them."

Agatha Christie, English mystery author (1890 - 1976)

Today is Easter Sunday and it has been a very eventful day of celebration and festivity. A very brief pause to quickly reflect on the role of habits in our lives. It has been suggested that 90% of what we do is habitual. And most of our habits were formed unconsciously i.e. we did not choose them consciously. That is quite a sobering thought as we strive to extol the virtues of our humanity and free will. It seems that we are more like mechanical robots and automatons than we would like to believe. But there is tremendous opportunity here too.

Habits are very powerful indeed. It is like having an automated process that performs a task on your behalf, without your conscious intervention. Take brushing your teeth in the morning. Not something you want to dwell on or make decisions about. You just do it. Every morning it happens. Period. And there are countless other such tasks being performed automatically, freeing up your mind to focus on other more important or demanding items. Or, at least, this is the case if you manage your habits. Of course, you could have a portfolio of bad habits that could undermine you. The key is that you are effectively enlisting the help of an automated processing unit to take on the important drudgery of your life. So far we are focusing on physical habits.

The other key parts of the habit puzzle are the behavioural and mental habits, which play a very significant role in your life. Again, by getting to grips with these, initially consciously enforcing and reinforcing through repetition a desired pattern, you can establish a virtuous cycle that nourishes you. It also requires less and less conscious effort as it becomes a habit. Some people are loathe to form habits because they fear that these will condemn their lives to routine and boring predictability. The exact reverse is true. Having a solid platform of life-enhancing habits frees you up to pursue a life of passion and adventure. It is like the transition from the hunter-gatherer lifestyle, where everyone was fully engaged in hunting for food and had no time to pursue any other interests, to the agrarian or farming lifestyle, where food supply was guaranteed by an increasing smaller subset of the population, freeing up the others to pursue other activities. This is the transition that can take place within us...

"First we make our habits, then our habits make us"
John Dryden

Grief

"Grief is the agony of an instant, the indulgence of grief the blunder of a life. "
Benjamin Disraeli, British politician (1804 - 1881)

What bliss - the unapologetic heat of Accra, the irresistible taste of my mother's cooking and the general restfulness of this holiday. Amidst all of this, there is the sense that grief abounds, with stories of deaths and injuries being told with increasing frequency. The inevitable consequence of these tragic events is grief. When we lose something or someone, we grieve. We may grieve for days for months or for years. Some people may actually grieve for the rest of their lives. With grief, there is no right and wrong. You grieve until you have stopped grieving.

Or is that really so?

What is the effect of grief on your life, on the people around you, on the people you love you, who depend on you? Over a few weeks or months, even full-scale grief can be absorbed and indeed, it may be cathartic to let the grief take its course. When the grief persists at full strength for a longer and longer period, then there may be something else at play. Our minds have a tendency to become comfortable in grief, to almost savour the pain, the delicious feeling of tragedy and victimhood, the attention and sympathy that we get, the sense that we have been dealt a cruel blow by life, a sense of being a protagonist in a drama. It is a paradox, but there is a trap in grief, one that is so close to a natural, honourable human experience that it is very easy to fall into and difficult not to sympathise with. But this may well be what is termed a life blunder...

"While grief is fresh, every attempt to divert only irritates. You must wait till it be digested, and then amusement will dissipate the remains of it. "
Samuel Johnson, English author, critic, & lexicographer (1709 - 1784)

Gratitude

"Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. "
Cicero, 'Pro Plancio,' 54 B.C.Roman author, orator, & politician (106 BC - 43 BC)

As I prepare to depart for the airport this wet & windy morning, with the prospect of arriving in a much warmer environment later on today, I must pause to be thankful for all I have and all I am. There is no limit to how much gratitude we can feel - it is just a matter of focus. There is so much to be grateful for; and gratitude creates the space for more gifts to enter your life. It is, in a lot of ways, a cause rather than an effect. So why do we not feel gratitude more often and more deeply? Why are we often stifled in our gratefulness? Do we not wish to keep the gifts flowing? Or are we simply not aware of all the gifts bestowed on us?

"It's a sign of mediocrity when you demonstrate gratitude with moderation. "
Roberto Benigni, in NewsweekItalian actor, comedian, and director (1952 - )

Goals

"It is a paradoxical but profoundly true and important principle of life that the most likely way to reach a goal is to be aiming not at that goal itself but at some more ambitious goal beyond it. "
Arnold Toynbee, English historian & historical philosopher (1889 - 1975)


Another week flies by, and I have one more week to go before I start my travels. The great thing is that the blitz moments are becoming more regular. That feeling of "clock slowing" that arises at high speed is occurring more often. Albert Einstein's concept of relativity seems more tangible. A new time paradigm is emerging.

We spoke last week about what it was all for, the purpose of activity and achievement. This week, I want to delve into some specifics. So, we have a gift and we have a purpose. Now what? We need to crystallize and actualize our gifts through setting some goals. Conventional wisdom advises that we make goals specific, measurable, attainable, realistic and timely(http://www.topachievement.com/smart.html). This works and can lead to good results - it is the basis of most personal development and coaching initiatives. But how about an alternative possibility - the possibility that by aiming for the stars, you can end up on the moon?

We have already discussed blitz at some length, but the concept of driving very fast and subsequently slowing down conveys this point. Legal considerations aside (this is purely theoretical), imagine that you want to be able to feel comfortable at 150 miles an hour. What if you were to be driven at 200 miles an hour for a while. Initially you would be very uncomfortable, perhaps even hysterical. Your breathing would be disrupted and your heart would be pounding. This could be fear or it could be thrill. With time, you might feel slightly better albeit still uncomfortable. The point is this. When the speed is reduced to 150 miles an hour, IT FEELS SLOW. I propose that the same applies to goals.

If you aim beyond the goal that you are striving for, you raise your game accordingly. Your mindset and perceptions change in the same way that they change in the speeding car or in a blitz chess match with 20 seconds left on your clock. If there is a piece of work to be completed in three hours and you aim for that, you might achieve it within the three hours; but it is possible that you may overrun slightly. However, what if you aimed to complete the work within two hours or perhaps even one hour?!

Parkinson's Law (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parkinson's_law) states that "work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion." Are our goals potential victims of Parkinson's Law? "Limitation expands so as to fill the space left by your goals". We have all experienced a simple form of this phenomenon when we are about to go away on holiday. On that last day, we often accomplish much more than we normally would. The same might apply to the last day of a big deadline. Why? Well, because we set more ambitious goals in these situations.

So, in summary, we need to set clear goals but we might more likely attain them if we actually aim beyond them and so tap into more of our power. The alternative is to leave space in our lives that limitation and procrastination may readily fill...

"In the absence of clearly-defined goals, we become strangely loyal to performing daily trivia until ultimately we become enslaved by it. "
Robert Heinlein, US science fiction author (1907 - 1988)