Breaking Free from CSD - Emotional

"First we make our habits, then our habits make us" - John Dryden

This quote would also have been apt for yesterday's musings on the physical blocks to flow. I've been given a 10 minute break by my 4-year old son - we're carrying out complex train track engineering (he's just taken delivery of an extension to his Thomas The Tank Engine train set) - while he completes a critical section of tracking and formulates his strategy :-). I'm building the habit of creative activity with my son in the morning, before I go to work and before he goes to school. This habit is a seed that hopefully will bear many fruit. Another habit could be for him to watch TV in the morning, but I'm not sure that we would want that harvest. On cue, he has just summoned me back - a bridge needs building....Right, we're back.

Anyway, habits form a key part of the journey away from CSD ("Could, Should, Don't") and into Flow (JFDI). We have already seen the power of habits on the physical level.

On the emotional level, there are two main blocks to flow:

- unresolved conflicts
- unexpressed feelings

Unresolved conflicts clutter your emotional space. You have had an argument or unpleasant incident with your spouse, partner, parent, child, friend, colleague or anyone of any significance in your life. And you let the hostility and resentment fester. The following was one of my first quotes:

" To get upset is human. To stay upset is irresponsible" - Bobo West

This becomes a block to your flow and a source of inertia and CSD. You need to bring closure to conflicts, one way or another - either by reconciling your differences (apologising etc) or agreeing to disagree. It doesn't take two, it just requires you. You can even write a letter to the other party (you don't even need to send it) - that will help bring about closure and conflict resolution for you. Sometimes the conflict is purely internal - the same approach works.

The other block is unexpressed feelings. You should have told or shown someone how you felt. Y are in a difficult conversation and you don't say what you really meant to. You stifle a strong emotion. You don't allow yourself to flow emotionally. Now, it's not always appropriate to express your feelings in the moment :-). But stifling your feelings tends to block your flow. What if you made a mental note to postpone your reaction. I've tried it, not always easy but works wonderfully. The quick mental note "I'll react to this fully later", allows you to carry on in a situation without the burden of emotional clutter. You've scheduled your rant, your explosion of rage or your profound hurt. You almost start to look forward to it, like a little treat you've laid on for yourself - a little indulgence. A little smile may even start to play on your lips. The negative feeling begins to lose its power. And for those feelings that, when expressed, do not add value, you begin to express them less and release them more. The Sedona Method (http://www.sedona.com) is one technique for releasing negative feelings, rather than expressing them destructively.

So by resolving conflicts and expressing feelings (productively) you begin to clear the emotional clutter and start to flow more. This makes it difficult for CSD.

That's when we start to go mental.

Till tomorrow.